A Change

What does it take for someone to up and change his or her life? For some, I can imagine it would be mere boredom and frustration with a mundane life he or she had previously designed. For others, perhaps a death or graduation where (in both cases) there is a definite closure to the life lived before. But... What about those of us who are living the life we want, but through situations out of our own control, we are knocked out into the great abyss scrambling to find a soft place to fall or a hard floor to land our feet? What exactly happens to all of us out there in the great unknown when the rug gets pulled out from under us?

I was satisfied with life. I loved living in Los Angeles. After spending several years there, this Georgia girl was happy to call herself a Californian. Then, I met man. A man 15 years my senior, a man that made me laugh, and a man I easily fell in love with. As time went by, we moved in together. We had a life together. We even had a joint cell phone plan... We would have fun on the weekends, and during the week he would go to work while I stayed home cleaning and doing laundry. At night, I would rub his feet while we talked of greater things... He would tell me how I'm so great... how no girl had ever treated him the way I did... how he loved me... Then I came home to Georgia for a two week visit, and he dropped a bomb. He didn't want me coming back to LA. He told me I was "boring." He needed something more exciting then the love and comfort I gave him. He didn't want me to come back to the home we shared, the home I helped pay for, or the life I had grown accustomed to. All the sudden I found myself on the other side of the country with no home and no boyfriend.

After nights of sobbing (and extending my return ticket to a date another two weeks later), I decided this was a change whether I liked it or not. Life was not going to be the same, and even though I felt like at any moment my heart would give out and I would die, I would still wake up in the morning. The man I had fallen in love with was gone, and replaced by someone I didn't know. But, was he right? Had I turned into someone boring? Like a bad drug, had I gotten so sucked into him that I lost myself? There was a time when I was cool. There was a time when I had opinions, when I had likes and dislikes, and could stand on my own two feet. Before I met him, I had traveled the world. I had gone to Africa twice. I had been in Australia, and not only had I been all over western Europe, but I had lived there as well. Surely somewhere inside me that girl is still alive... surely I could find her again. But like a drug addict in rehab, I would have to quit him and our life cold turkey. Sure, I could go back to LA, move into my own place, and continue my life. But in doing that, would I ever get over the man who became the love of my life? Faced with constant memories, would I ever be able to move on? Nope.

So, now I'm off to a fresh start in New York City. I don't know a soul, except my cousin, but being a fan of concrete , I should fit in just fine. This is my time to be Brice. This is my time to date myself and rediscover who I am, and what I stand for. And I feel good about my decision. So, to answer my earlier question, "What exactly happens to all of us out there in the great unknown when the rug gets pulled out from under us?" Well... I think there two possibilities. One, we survive, or two, we thrive. I choose to thrive. Even though there are days when my heart still breaks over my break up, I choose not to be defeated by a mean spirited man. I will go on, and I will be better then ever.

And one day... when I'm done dating myself... I will love again. But for now... It's all about "Being Brice." Welcome to my blog!